31. 01. 2019

Asking questions

“An art piece is never finished. It asks a question that we answer, and then asks another question.”

I had a very calm, connected session today, no major challenges. The biggest challenge was getting started, I procrastinated for whatever reason and hence put myself under time pressure. I´m sure many of you know what I mean, you push something out until there is just about no time left. I have become much better at giving myself time in the past months, I have learnt that giving myself time, means being kind to myself. Self-compassion. Like most things, it requires daily practice;-)

Because I felt under time pressure, I decided to allow myself to see how far I could go… I gave myself the option of not finishing, remindng myself “There is no finish line to cross…” a reminder, to do that which I can, in the time which I have. I set my timer*, put my mobile on flight-mode and let go…
*(setting the timer on my mobile is the most helpful tool for me, it allows me to completely relax and focus fully on the task at hand and stay in the moment.)

During the meditation exercise, I had a beautiful vision of a star symbol. At first, I was unsure if I could draw it as I had seen it, but I managed to remain in the moment, I let myself be curious and just took a piece of paper and the medium I felt most comfortable with – pastels. 10 mins later I had my star with a purple-blue aura, just like in my vision. Delighted with what had emerged, it gave me confidence in the next step, working on my painting.

During the main process, I managed to let go of expectations and simply explore. Having said that, I have noticed that I can concentrate in this way, for about an hour and then I start getting tired, restless, start judging, my inner critic pays me a visit… It´s best for me to then stop completely or to take a long tea break. I took a break and gave myself another half an hour to come to a point of resolution for the day, I was starting to feel under time pressure again, my mind was being distracted, thinking of the rest of the day, planning ahead, the cleaner would be coming at 12 pm, I need to make lunch, check my client emails… it was increasingly difficult to stay in the now and concentrate. I set my timer for an extra 10 mins. Good, I could relax again, enjoy the process, and just as I finish off.. the doorbell rings… time to pack up and do my free writing which I would like to share today:

Klimt. My painting reminds me of Gustav Klimt´s paintings. His work with pattern and gold inspires me. Letting the subject reveal itself as I work. Meditative, repeat patterns, flow, stop, break, take a different direction. Bringing together, breaking up. Connect, disconnect, re-connect in a new way. Everything has its place and reason for being, everything is of use. Re-birth. Like the seed that flowers in Spring, from the fruit of the last summer. If it is given the right nutrients and light it may yield a bigger fruit in the next season, if not, then it may be smaller. Whichever happens, there is no right or wrong, the process of re-birth / birth itself is the miracle, which gives hope, a promise of something new, whatever that may be. This reminds me of the toad I saw on my run this morning, it had no front claws, just two stumps. It too is beautiful and has survived this far, it too has an important role to play in this life, even if it´s crippled. Who am I to judge? Not even G-d judges and says it must die for it is not perfect. I make mistakes, they help me grow, just like everyone else does. And sometimes, it is out of these very “mistakes”, that something beautiful emerges, like the dot pattern on my painting, which reminds me of Klimt. I am everything and nothing. Namasté.

The answer to the question? The painting is about me, my future. I´m left feeling inspired and curious about the future…

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