22. 02. 2019

“Emergence”, 26.09.2018

“When the Soul wants to experience something, she throws out an image in front of her, and steps into it” Meister Ekhart

The biggest challenge I faced in this final session, was coming to terms with “finishing”. I am so used to working under time pressure, towards a deadline, making sure that I finish on time and not only that but that what I deliver is perfect and contains no mistakes. Could I “allow” myself not to finish? What if I didn´t finish? What would be the worst that could happen? Nothing. Despite trying to remind myself that there was “no finish line”, that I could continue with the art piece in my own time, whenever I wanted to, it made no difference. I was on edge, found it difficult to fully let go and relax and just enjoy the process. But I tried and one of the biggest gifts in the past weeks, is being able to recognise and observe what is happening, and sometimes I even manage to do so without judging 😉

Half the session today was spent doing a warm-up exercise and thereafter finalising the art piece. The second half the session was spent reflecting and writing about the art piece, the process and that which has emerged.

During the warm-up session I changed the title of my collage from “PLAY” to “FOCUS”, and yet in hindsight “PLAY” was intuitively that which would have allowed me to continue the process in a lighter, free-er manner. Instead my inner critic was berating me for making a “mistake” and my inner child was sulking because it didn´t feel like it had the freedom to play and express itself the way it wanted to. This is typical of my ongoing internal conversation and I´m sure it may sound familiar to some of you. During our call to discuss the process and art piece, Michelle reminded me to honour the fact that I am aware of this conversation, and the fact that when I told her about it, I could laugh about it.

I did manage to “finish” and yes I had fun, I played and I focused. I was intrigued by what emerged. I added more dots, more circles. I layered on gold paper squares like a mosaic, enjoying the reflected light… I allowed myself to play, even when I kept thinking “I should be focussing”. The dichotomy is that when I´m completely relaxed and playing, I am most focused.

I am left feeling inspired by my art piece, it is rich, full, interesting, varied, yet everything is connected. This is me, my vision… I feel like I have emerged like the butterfly from the cocoon. There is an endless source of light and energy. Fragments, breaking away, spreading the love. I am part of this, one of many.

The final question which Michelle asked was: What was the greatest shift – in yourself through the process; a shift in attitude towards the art piece, any sense of “newness”?

The greatest shift has been learning to trust myself, to help and hold myself knowing that I can – there is no mistake, there is no finish line, there is simply the process. Letting go and letting myself play, having reached that “tipping point”. Recognising this point, has helped me become less anxious, because I now have had a number of positive experiences from “tipping over”. I have created a safe space for myself.

The process has allowed me to experience some beautiful heart-opening moments. I have learnt a tremendous amount about myself and am able to take this forward and integrate it into my life, my work, my relationships. I have gained confidence with these new positive experience and I´m left feeling immensely grateful for the rich body of work, the rich experience, the en-rich-ment of my soul. And a big thank you to Michelle, for her excellent briefs, her patience, and expert coaching, her wisdom and knowledge. It is such a gift to be able to learn from such a beautiful soul. Thank you.

I look forward to the next semester. It is immensely helpful for me to have someone to whom I am accountable, helping me honour the commitment to discovering myself.

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